Back at it.
It’s been a while since I wrote here, and if I’m honest, I’ve missed it. I miss the discipline. I miss the creativity. Most of all, I miss having a place to write where I am free to be myself. I need to get back into the practice of writing about things I enjoy and separate myself from fear of judgment, rejection, and professional criticism.
The past six months have been rough on me as a creative person and even rougher on my self-esteem and positive outlook. I had to leave a job where I once felt so happy, supported, creatively fulfilled, and valued for the bleak and anxiety-inducing world of unemployment when the walls came crashing down around me suddenly and unexpectedly. I did this after moving across the country from New Mexico to Oregon, and as someone in their 30s who’s supposed to *on paper* have their life together, this has really thrown me for a loop.
Without getting into the nitty-gritty, I chose to leave my job because I was no longer respected, valued, or even considered an asset to my company due to “necessary” organizational changes made by my boss which forced the majority of her core team to quit since January 2023. I saw 9 people out of a 12-person team give their notice before I finally decided to follow suit and throw in the towel last month.
When people quit, the culture changes—it’s inevitable—and when you have someone at the helm of a company who’s just out for themselves and making a profit, the cracks really begin to show. Through this experience, I’ve learned that I’m unwilling to work for anyone who doesn’t value their people and the individual talents they bring to the table. When companies fail to support and invest in their talent, people leave. It’s as simple as that. I understand not everyone has the luxury to quit their jobs, but as I’m currently in a position where I only have myself to care for, this decision felt important and very much the right thing to do.
While being unemployed with no health insurance, bills to pay, and endless competition for the type of job I truly want could not be scarier, I refuse to work for a power, money, and status-hungry person incapable of self-reflection or empathy for others. So now, instead of dwelling on something unfortunate, I’m returning to what makes me happy, and that’s writing creatively and analytically about movies.
Once upon a COVID lockdown, I committed to writing about something film-related once a week. Between applying for jobs and taking mental health walks with my dog, I’m going to try to find a new, regular writing schedule that feels doable and enjoyable because it’s important that I rediscover why I love writing (and film!) so much in the first place. Not sure what that is going to look like quite yet, but I can’t wait to start.
For anyone who is reading this, thanks for letting me vent. If you’re experiencing something similar in your life, I’d love to connect and talk about it. Connection is also important and something I’ve definitely neglected since the pandemic. Please reach out if you feel so inclined :)
until next time,
jamie
